How often do you do the right thing for the sole reason that it is the right thing to do? Not because you will reap some sort of reward. Not because someone is watching. Not because you are hoping to put a little polish on your karma. If there is no obvious benefit to you, do you look at "right" or "wrong" with indifference? Beyond that, when wrong might benefit you more than right somewhere down the road, can you somehow justify that turn when staring at the crossroad?
These questions are steeped in philosophy, but I am facing them on a fundamental level with a little person who lives in my house. We teach our children (and we were taught, ourselves) to treat others as we want to be treated, to make people feel good, to do the right thing. Some humans seem to do this quite naturally and they usually possess their own gravitational pulls. But for many people, it is not innate to give away what they love or prize for the benefit of another. Over the past 6 years my husband and I have had this parenting gig, we have fallen into a pattern of bribery. If you eat your food, you will get dessert. If you are nice to your brother, you will get a star on your chart (and eventually a prize). If you build it, they will come. We are training them to provide conditional kindness and contribution. And this is wrong. Sometimes it feels like the only tool in my weak little toolbox, but it is not effective. So I have begun to correct myself, and my husband, by saying "You give the toy back to him, because it belongs to him and it is the right thing to do".
Mike McQueary. He witnessed a child being raped. He told somebody "above him" and then he washed his hands. At first glance, it would seem he did the right thing. Until it is revealed that he has now climbed the ranks of one of the most prestigious collegiate sport teams to become a coach. He likely passes through the locker room where he saw this atrocity with his own eyes on a daily basis. Had he called the police that very instant and screamed "There is a 10 YEAR OLD boy being savagely attacked in front of me," would he have the coaching crown he has today? That answer is a big fat no. Would he be in protective custody today due to death threats as this travesty unfolds its seemingly endless wingspan? No. Would he have peace of mind that he stopped the "alleged" monster from going on to steal the innocence of more little boys in 2005 and 2008? Yes. He did not do the right thing. Maybe it was fear. Maybe it was the hope that by keeping his mouth shut he would become part of this elite group of indifferent untouchables. Money, relative fame, football and an institution. Or do the right thing. We all know now which path he chose.
Veteran's Day. If a person is in the service, he has handed his time with his family, sleeping in his own bed, living a "normal' life over to me and everyone else who enjoys the beautiful life we live in this country. She has given her most prized possession away, and sometimes her life itself, for the benefit of others. For the soldiers of our generation, they do it not because they have to but because they have chosen that path...and for that, every man of draftable age should be thankful. In this giant grown-up sandbox, with no one watching, they have gifted us with our freedom. What an amazing thing to do.
Today, someone I don't know all that well (though she does officiate fantastic weddings in the LA area), reached out to me. From seemingly nowhere, she brought kind words and encouragement to me to pursue my dreams. She didn't stand to get a medal or a prize or a pat on the back, she just did it because it was in her heart. She could have let her thoughts just pass through without taking the time to write to me. But she didn't. She reminded me that we all have the ability to do the right thing, big and small, and doing so can't help but keep us all on the path to great things.
Lo
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